These items have been discontinued and are no longer for sale. If you have a great memory of them or would like us to bring them back, leave a comment on this post and let us know. We still have lots of weird unicorn products for sale!
THE AVENGING UNICORN AND AVENGING NARWHAL
What if you had a unicorn to take care of all the irritations in your life? That's the question we asked ourselves when made the Avenging Unicorn. The Avenging Narwhal grew out of our belief that narwhals were adorable and under-appreciated when it came to arctic adorableness. Both made multiple "worst toys ever made for kids" lists, as if they were ever marketed toward kids. (They weren't.)
The original description
Your unicorn buddy wants to take care of all your problems
- Unicorn figure that pierces irritating people
- 3-3/4" tall hard vinyl unicorn
- Includes three 3-1/8" figures (New Age Lady, Bank CEO and Mime)
- Pose on your desk at work as a lighthearted threat
The Avenging Unicorn is the answer to all your dreams. Who wouldn't want an imaginary(?) unicorn friend that they can call forth to pierce their enemies with a mighty horn. The Avenging Unicorn Playset has everything you need to use the power of the unicorn to rid your life of irritations. Put the posable, 3-3/4" tall, hard vinyl unicorn on a flat surface and then impale one of three 3-1/8" tall, soft vinyl figures included (businessman/boss, new age lady and mime). Probably not good to keep on your desk if you work at a bank, a coffee house or a mimery (that's what they call the place where mimes work). Also includes four interchangeable horns (classic spiral, chrome, glow and pearlescent).
After a being discontinued for a short time, we brought back the Avenging Unicorn in a redesigned package and replaced the new age lady figure with a hipster.
THE AVENGING NARWHAL
The success of our Avenging Unicorn got us to thinking about the only naturally occurring one-horned animal, the narwhal. Since it was an actual creature, not a fantasy, we couldn't give it the same motivation as the unicorn. We concocted the idea of angrily stalking all creatures cuter than it is. Amazingly, we discovered that people didn't know what a narwhal was and we had to start by explaining it. Never a good sign for a product that is supposed to make you laugh. We have received complaints saying that the story of our narwhal contributes to school violence because it makes light of an angry loner taking revenge against better looking people. Some people just don't understand the complexity of the narwhal.
The original description
- 5-1/2" long
- Hard vinyl
- Four detachable tusks
- Includes baby seals, baby penguins and koalas to impale
The narwhal is an arctic-dwelling whale that has been called "the unicorn of the sea" due to its long pointy tusk. There is debate about the true purpose of this tusk, but finally the truth is revealed! The narwhal uses its tusk to impale the cute animals of the world, specifically baby seals, baby penguins and koalas. This 5-1/2" long, hard vinyl narwhal comes with four magic tusks (crystal, onyx, ruby and ice) to impale the three 1-1/2" long, soft vinyl cuties. Don't let cute overrun the world, fight back with your own Avenging Narwhal!
The back of the package is loaded with "facts" about the Avenging Narwhal – Nature's Unicorn.
For centuries, the Narwhal was the great mystery of the sea. With the body of a whale and the horn of a Unicorn, many people believed that these fascinating creatures were harmless inhabitants of the icy waters of the Arctic Ocean. Recent studies, however, have exposed the secret agenda of these mysterious mammals and the true purpose of their extraordinarily long pointy tusks.
The studies revealed that millions of years ago, penguins, snow seals and koalas ruled the earth. For sustenance, they feasted upon whales, dolphins and other sea mammals to the point of near extinction. But the Narwhal went into hiding beneath the ice of the North Pole, biding their time, planning their revenge and sharpening their tusks. Finally, they reemerged, tusks gleaming with newfound magical power, and fought back against the adorable creatures that threatened their existence. The battle was long, and many Narwhal were lost, but their strong will and sharp tusks were enough to stave off the cute ones temporarily.
Now, once a year, in a continuous effort to keep their enemies at bay, the Narwhal leave their homes to embark treacherous migration to Antarctica in the hunt for baby penguins and seal pups. Many will not return... Along their journey, they will spend time in Australia, swimming upstream to the inland habitat of the koalas, where they will actually leap out of the water to spear the deadly koalas from their perches high in the Eucalyptus trees.
Like it's predecessor, the Narwhal went away for a little while and was resurrected with new packaging and slightly modified story.
The Avenging Narwhal, with his whale body and unicorn horn, has long struggled with his looks. In school, he had to deal with the constant teasing from the clique of adorable penguins. This went on for years, but the narwhal did nothing. Then, senior year during a study hall, the narwhal intercepted a note intended for a penguin and discovered the penguin conspiracy to take over the world. It seems they were using a propaganda campaign, nature documentaries and animated films, to make the world think they were harmless, when really each penguin was a megalomaniacal genius intent on full control of humans.
The Narwhal has since made it his duty to crush the penguins' plans by piercing them with his magical tusk and culling their numbers to stave off their evil plans. So while your friend and neighbors talk about how cute penguins are and how they look like they're wearing tiny suits, you'll know that the true friend of the world is the homely, but heroic, Avenging Narwhal, who has sacrificed his life to ending the penguin scourge.