Remembering the Fuzz Action Figure
This item has been discontinued and is no longer for sale. If you have a great memory of it or would like us to bring it back, leave a comment on this post and let us know.
Who was Fuzz? What is this?
People buy action figures of their heroes, but would they buy one of an average, unknown guy? Well, we picked a guy in our office, Fuzz, who had the lack of motivation, underemployment and unenthusiastic attitude of what we used to call back in the '90s a "slacker." To reflect his constantly changing hairstyle, and the aspects of his personality, we included three differently coifed heads. When we made the figure, he lived in his parent's house, thought cocktail culture was cool and had no girlfriend. Today, the action figure has brought major changes in his life. He still works at Archie McPhee and now thinks Tiki culture is cool. The figure did not sell well. A lot of people said they were going to buy, but they just never got around to it.
The original description
The first thing you have to understand is that Fuzz is a real person. He's not some fictitious superhero dreamt up by a team of overpaid corporate drones out to make a buck off the kids. He's 21 years old, he lives with his parents and he just happens to have his own action figure. Each 5-3/4" representation of Fuzz in plastic form has moveable arms and legs and comes with three interchangeable heads! Match a head to one of Fuzz's personality traits detailed on the back of the package, or pretend he's the victim of a horrible cloning accident. Check out Fuzz's personal page that features a note from Fuzz, a candid real-life Fuzz photo, and all of his vital statistics.
FUZZ SUPERFAN INFO
- Gender: Male
- Age: 21
- Height: 5' 10"
- Weight: 200 lbs.
- Eyes: Brown
- Hair Color: Varies
- Shoe Size: 11
- Chinese Zodiac Sign: Monkey
- Blood Pressure: 120/80
- Marital Status: Free & Easy
Introduction from Fuzz
Hey, I’m Fuzz. I’m 21 years old, I live with my parents and I have my own action figure. Yes, I’m a real person and no, you can’t have my autograph.
Unlike your average action figure, I wasn’t dreamt up by some overpaid corporate drones out to make a buck off the kids. I don’t have an advertising campaign, I don’t have a TV series and I certainly don’t have any “superpowers.” I’m just a regular guy, with a catchy nickname and an unpredictable hairdo. One night, while I was in my room, sipping a vodka martini and listening to the Brazil soundtrack, I said to myself: “You deserve an action figure just as much as some hyped-up fictitious superhero.” Of course, it was the vodka talking… but it was good vodka.
So I present you with the Fuzz Action Figure™. Mom says I’m better looking in person, but I think it does a pretty good job of capturing my rugged good looks and winning personality. If I make enough money with this thing, I’ll be able to buy some decent furniture and move out of my parents’ house. I’d move out tomorrow, but who wants to live in an apartment with crappy furniture?
When you buy my action figure I suggest you leave me in the package. Not because I have any collectible value (I assure you, I don’t), but because it makes me a little uncomfortable thinking of what you might be doing with me. If you must play with me, make sure I kick Superman’s ass and run away with the girl.
Fuzz with his action figure in 2010
Recipe for the Fuzztini (Fuzz's drink of choice)!
2 oz. VOX Vodka
1/2 oz. Martini Rossi Dry Vermouth
Shake with Ice in Shaker
Strain into Chilled Martini Glass
Garnish with Two Olives
The Fuzz Philosophy:
You think I’m insane. I think you’re insane. Therefore, you’re insane because I know I’m not. The only true philosophical question is: Where do I go from here? I recommend Las Vegas.
Space Travel? "It’s all a hoax"
Thoughts on Kiwi? “I don’t eat anything that looks like testicles.”
Love? "Too mainstream."
Thoughts on the future? "We're all doomed."
Thoughts on Religion? “A big money-making scam.”
Meaning of Life? Devolution
Top 12 Things I don’t believe in:
4. The Internet
5. Cat Juggling
6. Diet Soda
7. The ’80s
8. Dick Clark