Archie McPhee After Dark: The Wallingford Beast

November 05 2020

Long-time Archie fans will most likely know the rich history of the Wallingford Beast. If you have been to our physical store, you may have been privy to staff discussion about the complex relationships between the Beast and the other permanent residents of our Wallingford outpost: Captain Archie, The World's Largest Chicken and the Haunted Chicken. 

If not, let's get you up to speed! The Wallingford Beast was discovered at the Wallingford store location back in 2010 when we moved up from our old Ballard store. Bones were found and strange sounds were heard by staff until the Beast finally revealed himself. Now he lives rent-free not only in all of our hearts, but also in his glass apartment within the store. He loves attention so he spends his days posing for onlookers. His contract requires his pod to be locked at all times during the day to prevent people from trying to pet his head (he’s sensitive!). We also require him to be on his best behavior when the store is open to the public, as he has a particular taste for flesh, sarcastic sub-tweets and scaring innocent bystanders. 

While the beast remains locked in his glass aquarium of chaos during the day, by night he is in complete control. He needs some relief as he spends his time sandwiched between the World’s Largest Rubber Chicken who squawks once per night at the witching hour and Captain Archie who can talk endlessly as long as the quarters keep coming. Part of the nightly closing ritual done by staff members involves delicately unlocking the case and bolting to the door to allow the Beast to begin his nocturnal reign.

Prior to developing a contractual agreement with the Beast, store staff quelled his hunger for mischief by providing him with cat food scented soap. After being presented with the foul-smelling bar, he would be so busy licking up every last bit that he would forget about running around scaring customers. Apparently, flesh, Cat Food and soap were the only things he'd ever eaten in his life, so the fact that we were able to combine two of his favorite foods made him begin to trust that we meant no harm. Both his capacity for emotional intelligence and his taste in food have evolved over the years. In fact, he has since developed a refined palette, often enjoying charcuterie boards with selections of cheeses and cured meats.

Even though we let him loose at night, his energy for mayhem remains unchanged. A few months ago he got hold of the Seattle Store Twitter password and hijacked the account to start the process of building his personal brand. It's alright though, instead of breaking things and bothering the rubber chickens, he mostly stays up all night tweeting about his hopes, dreams and severe lack of salami. He's quite proud of his work. He also occasionally makes an appearance on the Archie McPhee TikTok account. Check out some of his antics here: 



1 comment

  • Ned Herring: November 27, 2020
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    The Wallingford beast is a must see attraction. Pure fire 🔥

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