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FOR DELIVERY BEFORE CHRISTMAS, PLEASE CHOOSE OVERNIGHT SHIPPING.
When we learned that Martians use devices known as "human popping things" to relieve stress (or "obie" as they call it) on their planet, it occurred to us that we Earthlings might benefit from squeezing tiny Martians. With this in mind, we invented the Martian Popping Thing. This soft, orange, rubber Martian is irresistibly mushy when you hold it in your hand. Its eyes, ears and nose pop out with each satisfying squeeze. As the facial features pop, your stress will start floating off into space. Our Martian Popping Thing comes in a comically illustrated box with a viewing window so it can look out at Earth.
We should warn you that it's probably just a matter of time before the Martians find out about this classic Archie McPhee item and we're not sure how they'll feel about it. They might be amused, but they also might be so angry they start squeezing actual humans to work out their rage issues. It's a toss-up. So, we recommend getting one for yourself and one as a gift for each of your stressed out friends. You might as well be relaxed before you're enslaved by an alien race.