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Personal Hygiene

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  1. Bacon Body Wash

    Bacon Body Wash

    $5.00

    Smell like bacon in every nook and cranny

    • Body wash that smells like bacon
    • 5 oz. bottle of liquid soap
    • Like washing with breakfast
    • Drives dogs crazy
    • Read More.
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  2. Foodie Bandages

    Foodie Bandages

    $5.00

    Could you double check that there are no bandages in this? I'm allergic to bandages

    • Fifteen 3" x 1" sterile bandages
    • 3-3/4" tall metal tin
    • Includes a free prize
    • Heal like a chef
    • Read More
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  3. Edgar Allan Poe Bandages

    Edgar Allan Poe Bandages

    $5.00

    Quoth the Raven, "No more sores!"

    • Fifteen 3" x 1" sterile bandages
    • 3-3/4" tall metal tin
    • Includes a free prize
    • How goths heal
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  4. Cowboy Bandages

    Cowboy Bandages

    $5.00

    Good for saddle sores and branding mishaps

    • Fifteen 3" x 1" cowboy bandages
    • 3-3/4" tall metal tin
    • Includes a free prize
    • Perfect for lasso burns
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  5. Shakespearean Insult Bandages

    Shakespearean Insult Bandages

    $5.00

    Add Elizabethan insult to injury

    • 15 3" x 1" latex-free bandages
    • Come in a collectible tin
    • Decorated with Shakespeare & his insults
    • Perfect for curs & wretches
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  6. Nihilist Toothpaste

    Nihilist Toothpaste

    $5.00

    We don't believe in dental hygiene

    • A 2.5 oz. tube of toothpaste
    • No added flavor
    • Minimalist packaging
    • Like brushing your teeth with reality
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  7. Jane Austen Bandages

    Jane Austen Bandages

    $5.00

    From Pride and Prejudice to Bandages and Boo-boos

    • 15 bandages with image & quotes
    • Includes a dashing reusable tin
    • Bandages are latex-free
    • FREE PRIZE INSIDE!
    • Read More
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  8. Abraham Lincoln Bandages

    Abraham Lincoln Bandages

    $5.00

    He will heal your wound as he healed a nation

    • Twenty 3" x 3/4" bandages with Abraham Lincoln
    • Come in a reusable tin
    • Bandages are latex free
    • FREE PRIZE INSIDE!
    • Read More
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  9. Affirmation Bandages

    Affirmation Bandages

    $5.00

    Turn your boo boo into a yay yay

    • Twenty 3" x 3/4" bandages with affirmations
    • Come in a reusable tin
    • Bandages are latex free
    • FREE PRIZE INSIDE!
    • Read More
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  10. Snake Oil Soap

    Snake Oil Soap

    $5.95

    Contains real snake oil, which doesn't really do anything

    • A 2.5 oz. bar of soap
    • Contains real cobra oil
    • Allegedly helpful for something, but not really
    • Clean your skin with snake
    • Read More
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  11. Snail Oil Beauty Soap

    Snail Oil Beauty Soap

    $5.95

    Has real snail oil in it, no really, snail

    • A 2.5 oz. bar of soap
    • Contains real snail oil
    • Allegedly helpful for something, but not really
    • Clean your skin with snail
    • Read More
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  12. Let's Get Messy Emergency BBQ Pig Out Kit

    Let's Get Messy Emergency BBQ Pig Out Kit

    $4.50

    You can't eat good BBQ without making a mess

    • Contains 2 moist towelletes and 2 bibs so you can share
    • Comes in easily transportable collectible tin
    • Decorated with Slicey the Pig
    • Be prepared, sometimes BBQ sneaks up on you
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  13. Underpants Bandages

    Underpants Bandages

    $5.00

    Keep your pain private with ouchie underpants

    • Twelve 2-1/2" x 1-1/4" underpants-shaped bandages
    • Come in a reusable tin
    • Latex free with sterile gauze
    • FREE PRIZE INSIDE! No more naked wounds
    • Read More
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  14. Tissue Noir

    Tissue Noir

    $3.50

    This tissue is as black as as your mood before coffee

    • These tissues are blacker than black
    • Cardboard box with 50 two-ply tissues
    • Perfect gift for sad goths
    • How ninjas blow their noses
    • Read More
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  15. Macho Tissues

    Macho Tissues

    $4.05

    Awww, you just stick with your wussy tissues, you wimp

    • Cardboard box with 100 tissues
    • Not tiny, wussy tissues, these are 13" x 7-3/4"
    • Tissue real men prefer
    • Perfect for blood & sweat, but never tears
    • Read More
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  16. Hand Soap

    Hand Soap

    $8.03

    Wash your hands with your hand

    • Hand-shaped piece of soap
    • 4-3/4" long and musk scented
    • Hilarious visual pun
    • Great reminder to wash your hands before returning to work
    • Read More
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  17. French Fry Lip Balm

    French Fry Lip Balm

    $2.95

    Your lips are as shiny as the floor next to the deep fryer

    • 2-1/2" tube of lip balm
    • Tastes like french fries
    • Like kissing a 5 Guys
    • Twist bottom dispenser
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  18. Macaroni & Cheese Bandages

    Macaroni & Cheese Bandages

    $5.00

    Coat your wound with starchy goodness

    • Twelve 3" x 1" bandages decorated with mac & cheese
    • Come in a reusable tin
    • Latex free with sterile gauze
    • FREE PRIZE INSIDE!
    • Read More
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  19. Public Toilet Survival Kit

    Public Toilet Survival Kit

    $5.03

    Helps you survive filthy bathrooms

    • Includes a toilet seat cover, 2 antiseptic wipes and a pair of gloves
    • Comes in a 3-3/4" tin
    • Slips into bags and purses in case of emergency
    • Tested at a filling station in rural Alabama
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  20. Bacon Toothpaste

    Bacon Toothpaste

    $5.00

    The toothpaste that makes your breath bacon fresh

    • 2.5 oz. of toothpaste in illustrated tube
    • Smoky bacon flavor
    • Practice oral hygiene, satisfy cured meat cravings
    • Easier than brushing with real bacon
    • Read More
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