The dark side of the midday meal
Edgar Allan Poe is probably the most influential horror writer of all time. This retro lunchbox is just like the one you had as a kid, except that this one pays homage to the master of the macabre. Illustrated with famous images from his stories and poems, it is sure to please the Goth teenager in your heart. The metal lunchbox has a plastic handle and includes a Poe dangle. A great gift for anyone who has been tortured with a pendulum, tormented by a raven or buried alive.
The ghost of Edgar Allan Poe appeared before us and offered to write us an original, never before seen, short story. We told him we'd rather have him describe this lunchbox. He said, "Really? You'd rather have that than a story?" Then he shrugged and wrote the following description:
While food gives life, precious life, what is a lunchbox but a coffin for food? A bologna sandwich, a vital sandwich in its prime, is laid to rest in this metal tomb and waits to be consumed; Eaten, just as a corpse is consumed by the inevitable decay brought on by the passage of time. Imagine the quickening breath of that sandwich as the lid of the lunchbox swings into place and it hears the clang of the latch sealing its doom. It reaches its crust up to scratch on the lid, desperately hoping to signal someone that it is inside and still alive! Alive! Alive! But then the sandwich begins to realize that it is trapped. The air begins to smell of carrot strips and Doritos, stifling and hot. Its breath becomes shallow and slow until it trails off into a rasp that sounds not unlike a gravestone being dragged into place.
Eventually, the sandwich is no more. At that point, its lifeless form is dragged forth and stripped of its plastic sleeve and consumed ravenously by some faceless ghoul. For there are the consumed and the consumer, by purchasing this lunchbox, you will have chosen your lot.
That such a device would be decorated with an image of myself and the products of my imagination is both a horror and an honor. Makes a lovely gift.