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Super charge your manliness with the Bacon-Scented Mustache. The gosh darn thing smells like bacon. All the bacon. Maybe you aren’t man enough to even wear it! But wearing it will make you so manly that you won’t care.
This is the kind of thing that goes perfectly with woodworking, killing a snake with your bare hands or grilling a giant steak. It's the only mustache that makes you hungry all day. It's 4" wide, which is enough to mask your pathetic, unmasculine, bare upper lip.
The future is here! We may not have our own jetpacks just yet, but we do have bacon-flavored carbonated candy that sizzles just like the real thing:
Sizzling Bacon Candy not only tastes like smokey bacon, it also turns your tongue into a frying pan. As soon as you douse your mouth in candy, the sizzling sound makes it seem like you're cooking bacon over a campfire. Except it's in your head and the campfire is your burning passion for bacon (and your saliva which is what activates the candy). Watch this video for a tantalizing demonstration:
Lots of things taste like bacon, but how many sound like bacon? Thanks to this breakthrough in confectionery science, life just got even better for bacon lovers everywhere.
Watch the teaser music video here:
While this video features only a portion of the song, it shows the full meat parade in action. The limited edition vinyl single looks like a beautifully marbled ham steak. Only one thousand produced!